fortytwo points

The Great Thing About The Internet Is

Olivia Munn has been an awkward fit for G4 since day one but goddamned if she hasn't tried harder than anyone to fit in. And with some success, too, as she slowly becomes an acceptable part of their line-up. It's clear that she was hired as (and continues to be) eye-candy for Attack of the Show, but that doesn't change the fact that she happens to be have an appealing personality. She has a natural charisma that makes her as good at talking about shit she doesn't care about as she is at filling out a Wonder Woman costume.

I love attractive women as much as the next guy but I don't like when they mix with mass nerd culture because once they do, nerds tend to start embarrassing themselves. Like when they come out of their mother's basements in droves to sign a petition to have Olivia Munn jump into a pie. Actually no one had to come out of their basement for that now that I'm thinking about it, but still, over 61,000 signatures in a lot.

Really? 61,000 people had nothing better to do than to vote Olivia Munn into a pie? All I have to say to that is "... c'mon."

But damned if this isn't hot:

Look at those legs. Kevin Pereira has got to be doing yoga or something, MMM. ;)

-Unfather

GTA IV DLC Gives us Wang and We Say "Thanks?"

1Up's Kat Bailey shared with the world yesterday some ground-breaking news; there's gonna be dick in GTA IV's Lost and the Damned DLC. Now, that's probably not going to be the reason why Xbox Live owners pick it up today (it's out today, remember?), and it's probably not going to be appreciated amongst the seemingly homophobic GTA IV community, but it is significant for the precedent it sets. Mainstream games, or their DLC at least, can now have full frontal.

This may be the beginning of a new area of art house-style experimentation amongst game developers or it may be the porn industries first serious foray into the digital entertainment market. Either way I welcome this shift in atittude, despite the fact that I will be skipping past this particular part of history. It means new people will work with games and that in turn will generate new ideas (even though the first few will probably suuuuck). Rockstar has opened a door that someone only had to dare open, and now every one else can benefit from it.

You probably don't, but if you want to see the first schlong rendered in a popular video game, check out the video below. I won't tell:

(update 2/22/09: dick video got pulled and I can't find another. sorry meat gazers, you're just gonna have to download it)

Okay, I lied I'm totally telling. Your IP is...

-Unfather

Splatterhouse Brings Violence Back to Beat-'Em-Ups

I came across that video while I was trying to decide whether or not to write about Ready 2 Rumble: Revolution (conclusion: not yet). It feels like a long time since a really violent, disgusting murder simulator has graced our consoles and I'm glad I was reminded of Bottle Rocket's Splatterhouse remake before I wasted my time with a wacky boxing game. Sorry Nintendo but at least for now, I'd rather rip somethings head off and drink its brain fluids than fight my friends while I fight the inaccuracy of your gimmicky controller.

You may remember Splatterhouse as the gory side-scrolling brawler that Genesis owners rubbed in the faces of Nintendo fans while they were playing Disney tie-ins, or you may otherwise confuse it with the shitty Friday the 13th game. But when the original was released, it not only offered a blood-splattered good time but a fairly involved one at that.

Playing as college student Rick Taylor, who mistakenly chooses a haunted mansion to do his parapsychology research paper in, your girlfriend Jennifer is kidnapped by supernatural entities and you are knocked unconscious and left for dead. When an ancient Mayan hockey mask decides to use your dying body as its host, you are bestowed violent ass-kicking powers and head-off to save your love from the horrors of the mansion.

SPOILER ALERT:

MTV Multiplayer Can Finally Tell Us Nothing About Watchmen: The End is Nigh

Please watch this trailer of the upcoming Watchmen: The End is Nigh game. Feel free to skip it if you've already seen this:

Congratulations. Having seen that, you can save yourself the time of reading MTV Multiplayer's "impression" of the game. Stephen Totilo's latest article about the Watchmen movie tie-in game reads like a press release written by Bush's administration; it goes over the facts we already know and offers us none of the wisdom we were hoping for, despite promising it.

It's not my place to critique better writers than I, but this bullshit is exactly why I started this site. I literally can not find anything I would call an "impression" in this article, or an opinion of any sort. It reads like the fact sheet which, humorously enough, Totilo specifies he is quoting from; "Enemies were lumbering and persistent. Up to 20 of them can join the fight, according to the game’s official fact sheet". Thanks.

Demaking Team Fortress 2: Gang Garrison hits Beta Version 2.0

I'm a huge fan of Team Fortress 2 and would even go so far as to call it the best multiplayer deathmatch game there is, period. Of course you do not have to agree with me, as we all know not everyone can be right all the time. But I digress. Proving that a fun system is a fun system regardless of technical ability, Gang Garrison 2 captures the spirit of TF2 and shoves as much of it as possible into as few pixels as possible, and the result? Even more fun.

For those like me who were not aware that this scene had a name, "demaking" means to remake a game to play on a platform inferior to the one that it was originally intended for. It can also refer to games that are remakes in a traditional sense but that do not have the same technical features as the original, such as extravagant graphic effects or surround sound compatibility. Not the first Valve game to see this treatment, Gang Garrison 2 falls into the latter category alongside its compadre Portal: The Flash Version, potentially enforcing the idea that the Orange Box must be one of the most popular game packages of all time. Having just made it to version 2.0, I think it's time for a look.

Ars Technica's Kinda-Review of Flower Promising

Days before its February 12th release, Ars Technica hits us with one of the first "reviews" of Flower from thatgamecompany, makers of the similarly unique flOw. It seems as if the promise of its potential may have been fulfilled. Ben Kuchera says the gameplay is as if "painting the landscape with a heavenly brush" and that the transformations  are "oddly satisfying". These are promising endorsements for a game that aspires to bring a bit of high-art to video games.

Playing as the wind itself you help usher flower petals about the land and with all the life you bring also comes color to the world. For those afraid that what it had in style it would lack in depth, Kuchera hints that Flower shifts in both feel and play about half way through and that this change had him pondering its significance even as the credits rolled. Though it feels like a review in consideration of feelings you're supposed to have at times, it no less assures us a worthwhile investment of $9.99 on the Playstation Network. You can see the full article here:

Flower is Art, Extends Conversation on What Games Are

Can't wait to try it myself.

-Unfather

Valve Officially Announces New Left 4 Dead Content, SDK

We already knew it was coming but it's official now; downloadable content for Valve's new hit game Left 4 Dead will be coming our way this Spring. Dubbed the L4D Survivor Pack, it will add a new multiplayer game mode called "Survivor" as well as making the final two campaigns (Dead Air and Death Toll) available for Versus play. A "Critic's Choice" repacking of the game will hit shelves around the same time and includes this content for new players.

Escapist's Indie Developers Showcase Finale = Wacky Game Concepts

For the last ten days now The Escapist has been running a feature on independent developers called the Indie Developers Showcase. The creators of World of Goo and Samorost have both been interviewed and the insight they and others have provided into their games and the industry as a whole is enlightening and entertaining. You can catch up on what you've missed here:

 Indie Developer Showcase

To wrap the whole thing up the final question they asked of all their interviewees was to create a game concept based on a simple premise: "You are a passenger on an airplane." The answers range from the humorous to the mundane and even get into "I hope that was an attempt at humor" territory a bit (World of Goo creator suggests making a match-3 game out of it, to which I reacted by spitting). Here are a couple of my personal favorites:

Braid's Jonathan Blow Comments on the PC version, Declares Integrity

Braid hit Xbox Live gamers right where they feel it least; their cold, blackened hearts. Without any rocket launchers or breast physics to distract us it had quite the uphill battle ahead of it, but after much kicking and screaming we were eventually forced to accept its nature as the refreshing innovation it is. Braid's Jonathan Blow has since garnered quite a bit of critical and financial success from the release, so it's no surprise that PC gamers are waiting for a chance to warm the cockles of their own thawing hearts with it as well.

Though no official release date for the PC version is yet available, Mr. Blow himself did offer something promising in response to the question "When can we expect some news on the PC version?". His answer:

Zero Punctuation: Little Big Planet

I've got a lot of new stuff coming up to really get this site in gear but in the mean time, how about some funny? Yahtzee's latest Zero Punctuation is up and he finally gets around to scoffing in Little Big Planet's direction. Acknowledging that what it does do it does well, he still has to bring down the room with the harsh reality that, like Spore, it's a significant game of disproportionate substance. Lube your cochlea and have a listen:

I share his sentiments about the user-generated content. While the tools were no doubt difficult to create the end result still feels like a cop-out, as if the developers assumed the players would finish the job for them. The biggest insult comes in the form of the moderation however, and I don't mean how they pull down every level that so much as smells like it has been near licensed material.

Moderation by the developers was the only way gamers could have avoided having to dig through mountains of shit to find those indigestible golden nuggets of level in LBP. But rather than use the moderators in this way, they instead spend all of their time yanking down every half decent homage to a classic game or product that they find. Way to expand the game, guys.

Anyway, Zero Punctuation continues to hit the nail on the head, evidencing again why Yahtzee is one of the few hammers worth bashing with.

-Unfather